In simple terms, motivation is the driving force behind a person’s behavior. Is your teen sad or depressed? The frontal cortex—the part of the brain used to manage emotions, make decisions, reason, and control inhibitions—is restructured during the teenage years, forming new synapses at an incredible rate, while the whole brain does not reach full maturity until about the mid-20’s. The experience of earning a reward at the end of an achievement is what should motivate your teen to exert more effort in school. When you take away a privilege or place your child in time-out, and they say, "I don't care," ignore them. See a certified medical or mental health professional for diagnosis. Parenting a teenager is never easy, but when your teen is violent, depressed, abusing alcohol or drugs, or engaging in other reckless behaviors, it can seem overwhelming. (ACT for Youth), Teens and Violence Prevention – Tips for parents about reducing or eliminating teen violence. It is about making them want to do something. Take the Electronics Out of His Room. Even simply hitting a punch bag or a pillow can help relieve tension and anger. Understanding adolescent development can help you find ways to stay connected to your teen and overcome problems together. Dealing with Teen Depression ... or if they have problems of their own that makes it difficult for them to take care of you, find another adult you trust (such as a relative, teacher, counselor, or coach). In this situation, what a parent needs to really do is identify what the problem is and help the teenager in whatever way that they can. Teens may use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate their depression. Now, these biological differences don’t excuse teens’ poor behavior or absolve them from accountability for their actions, but they may help explain why teens behave so impulsively or frustrate parents and teachers with their poor decisions, social anxiety, and rebelliousness. When you talk to your teen about why he hates school (and when you talk to him about other topics too), use active listening techniques such as the following: Give your teen your full attention Some parents see the worth of punishing their child whenever they do not do something right, or when they do nothing at all. Don’t go it alone, especially if you’re a single parent. It may seem hard to believe—given your child’s anger or indifference towards you—but teens still crave love, approval, and acceptance from their parents. But they are wired differently. Acknowledge that getting help takes courage. Copyright © 2018 | Designed and Maintained by, 40 Super-Effective Ways To Stop Procrastinating, How to Motivate a Teenager Without Motivation. Parents often make the simple mistake of believing that their teenagers are not motivated. For starters, keeping in mind that you don't want to raise a pushover for a teen, you should first commit to not being forceful about the disagreement, but adhering to healthy boundaries. Find common ground. Every phone call or knock on the door could bring news that your son has either been harmed, or has seriously harmed others. You’re likely to need all the patience and positive energy you can muster. Exercise is especially effective: running, biking, climbing or team sports. Don't muddy the issue in your teen's head by speechifying or lecturing him on top of the punishment. [Read Next: Why Teens Still Crave Their Parents’ Approval] Teenagers suddenly have a life you aren’t a part of and communicating can become difficult for them and for you. Your teen can overcome the problems of adolescence and mature into a happy, well-balanced young adult. The number one piece of advice for parents on how to deal with a teenager who doesn’t care is to keep the lines of communication open. A parent should never forget to tell their children how much they care and why they care so much. You might be able to get by on six hours a night and still function at work, but your teen needs 8.5 to 10 hours of sleep a night to be mentally sharp and emotionally balanced. Make the consequences meaningful to him, rather than to yourself. The reality that parents have to deal with first is that most teenagers are motivated to do nothing. If your child says, “I don’t care about the consequences,” ignore her. Anger can be a challenging emotion for many teens as it often masks other underlying emotions such as frustration, embarrassment, sadness, hurt, fear, shame, or vulnerability. This may seem simple, obvious, and old fashioned, but there is science to back up the idea that rewarding a teenager for their success can be a good source of motivation. Keep it simple when it comes to consequences: "If you do (or don't do) X, then Y will be the consequences." You may have to eat a lot of dinners in silence, but when your teen does want to open up, they know they’ll always have the opportunity to do so. Even a little regular exercise can help ease depression, boost energy and mood, relieve stress, regulate sleep patterns, and improve your teen’s self-esteem. This may seem simple, obvious, and old fashioned, but there is science to back up the idea that rewarding a teenager for their success can be a good source of motivation. Some common suggestions include: Encourage the young person to communicate without judging or advising them until they ask for your feedback. Encourage better sleep by setting consistent bedtimes, and removing TVs, computers, and other electronic gadgets from your teen’s room—the light from these devices suppresses melatonin production and stimulates the mind, rather than relaxing it. Here are 10 tips for parenting teen girls. Or they may exhibit symptoms of mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, or eating disorders. The success of a rewards system for motivating teenagers is based on the works of B.F. Skinner known as operant conditioning. Wait until you’re calm and energized before starting a conversation. However, each individual is solely responsible for selecting an appropriate care provider or care seeker for themselves or their families and for complying with all applicable laws in connection with any employment relationship they establish. You can’t help your teen if you lose your temper as well. Other countries: Visit IASP or International Suicide Hotlines to find a helpline near you. Remember, teenagers are young and are dealing with feelings and situations that they never have in their life. A teenager’s brain is still actively developing, therefore processes information differently than a mature adult’s brain. Without knowing why a parent wants to motivate their child, a teenager might come up with a myriad of reasons why their parents are suddenly denying him internet access. In fact, most battles don’t matter. Many depressed teens run away or talk about running away from home, often as a cry for help. Violence. Teenagers can excel in not caring about a lot of things, but not caring about their feelings is not one of them. Teenagers come up with a plethora of reasons and excuses to find a way to weasel their way out of being productive. I find the more I'm quiet, the more they're willing to say. It can be especially hard on other children, so make sure they’re not ignored. If you’re a parent of a teenage boy who is angry, aggressive, or violent, you may live in constant fear. Keep in mind that whatever problems your teen is experiencing, it is not a sign that you’ve somehow failed as a parent. Try to understand what’s behind the anger. Don’t be put off; persevere and the breakthrough will come. Teen boys are more likely to throw objects, kick doors, or punch the walls when they’re angry. This will usually prompt them to say at least something, and if not, just say "Oh yeah?" Trying to discuss your teen’s appearance or clothes may be a sure-fire way to trigger a heated argument, but you can still find some areas of common ground. So learn to appeal to their self-interest, and ask him the question: Anxiety in Teens – How to Help a Teenager Deal With Anxiety Anxiety can be tough for anyone to deal with, but add in the whirlwind of changes that come with adolescence, and anxiety can feel like an intrusive mind hog that spends way too much time squeezing, surprising and overwhelming anyone it lands on. The same may be true of prescription medications. A troubled teen, on the other hand, exhibits behavioral, emotional, or learning problems beyond typical teenage issues. Call a friend, relative, or the police if necessary. Understanding Teens (PDF) – How to handle common teen problems. For example, your teen might feel more comfortable talking to an aunt, a sports coach, a teacher or their friend’s parent. Eat right. Motivating someone is more about giving someone a reason to care and inspiring them to do more with their lives by being productive. Instead of trying to assign blame for the situation, focus on your teen’s current needs. Below are a few simple explanations on why most teenagers do not care and what parents can do to help remedy the situation and motivate their child. If you haven’t, please consider helping us reach those who need it: Donate today from as little as $3. There is no one-size-fits-all approach for how to parent a teenager. Hormones produced during the physical changes of adolescence can further complicate things. When a teenager is withdrawn or confining themselves to their room it does not always mean that they are not motivated. As teens mature, they start to think more abstractly and rationally. They may be looking to start an argument to delay going to their room, or they may be trying to upset you. 1. The first step is to find a way to connect with what they are experiencing emotionally and socially. But dealing with difficult teenage daughters requires caring and compassion. They do not yet have something in their lives that motivates them to act or push themselves to be more productive. Putting up with violence is as harmful for your teen as it is for you. Reinforcement is the process of strengthening a particular behavior by using stimuli. Australia: Call Lifeline Australia at 13 11 14. Your teen may often respond to your attempts to connect with anger, irritation, or other negative reactions. Your teen wants to feel understood and valued by you, so maintain eye contact and keep your focus on your child, even when they’re not looking at you. But you don’t have to live under the threat of violence. For example, if the teen wants to study for a particular subject, but he cannot resist the temptation to access the internet, taking away the computer or smartphone to deprive them of internet access can be seen as a form of negative reinforcement. You may despair over failed attempts to communicate, the endless fights, and the open defiance. Australia: In Queensland and Northern Territory call the Parentline at 1300 30 1300 or find a helpline near you. Reckless behavior. Instead, try these strategies when your teen is phoning it in. No matter how much your teen seems to withdraw from you emotionally, no matter how independent your teen appears, or how troubled your teen becomes, they still need your attention and to feel loved by you. Behavior is the word formally used to describe how people act. Negative reinforcement refers to removing an undesired stimulus in order to reinforce a behavior. This is punishment. Teens may scream and argue with you about rules and discipline, or rebel against daily structure, but that doesn’t mean they need them any less. It is about giving a teenager a reason to care. Dancing or playing along to loud, angry music can also provide relief. You may despair over failed attempts to communicate, the endless fights, and the open defiance—not to mention the moodiness, the intense emotions, and the impulsive and reckless conduct. The objective is not to be your teen’s best friend, but to find common interests that you can discuss peacefully. One great way to do this – and make use fo all the previous tips we've shared in this post – is by using a tool called Special Time. 2. (American Psychological Association). At a time when both you and your teen are calm, explain that there’s nothing wrong with feeling anger, but there are unacceptable ways of expressing it. Authors: Lawrence Robinson and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. One in four people will struggle with mental health at some point in their lives. It is very important to keep the channels of communication open. This misunderstanding might end up causing a right between the parent and their teenage kid. Be there for them when they are ready to chat about what bothers them. Our mission is to provide empowering, evidence-based mental health content you can use to help yourself and your loved ones. What You Can Do. Parents would do their child a great service by telling them that their motivation for wanting to make them care about their school, or just care in general, is because they care about them. Parents should be the mature one in any scenario and should act accordingly. Method 1 Adjusting to Their Independence Successfully connecting to your teen will take time and effort. Simply put, it explains how people learn to behave in a particular way as a result of experience rather than something that is innate. True enough, punishment can produce results. Therefore, give consequences. Our content does not constitute a medical or psychological consultation. People are penalized in the hopes that they will never make the same mistake twice. It’s also important to remember that while teenagers are individuals with unique personalities and their own likes and dislikes, some traits are universal. Once you’re talking, your teen may feel more comfortable opening up to you about other topics. Movies and TV shows glamorize all manner of violence, many web sites promote extremist views that call for violent action, and hour after hour of playing violent video games can desensitize teens to the real world consequences of aggression and violence. That means you probably have a lot more influence over your teen than you think. In fact, the long term effects of punishment can have a negative impact not only on the teenager’s motivations, but also on the parent child relationship. I find myself trying so hard to get my 14-year-old son to talk to me and tell me what is happening in his life. No matter the exact reason behind your teen’s problems, you can put balance back in their life by helping them make healthy lifestyle changes. If your teenager has had a say in setting the agenda and the timetable they will be much more motivated to participate. And even if this is a new problem, it doesn't mean that there isn't a disability or attention disorder underfoot. Without the internet as a distraction, the teenager is more likely to commit to doing their homework during study hours. HELPGUIDEORG INTERNATIONAL is a tax-exempt 501(c)3 organization (ID #45-4510670). Running away. A lot of parents have to face the issue of having a child who does not seem to care about anything. Encourage exercise. Let your teenager know that violence is unacceptable and you will walk away from them until they've calmed down. Some teenagers may seem like they are not motivated to succeed when in fact there is another underlying cause to their lack of productivity or drive to perform. Or you may live in fear of your t… Most parents feel that simple encouragement is the solution to a teenager lacking in motivation. If you or other members of your family scream, hit each other, or throw things, your teen will naturally assume that these are appropriate ways to express their anger as well. Or does a certain class at school always trigger anger? Am I Lazy or Depressed? Dealing with a troubled teen can unsettle the whole family. Parenting a teenager is never easy. Depressed teens may engage in dangerous or high-risk behaviors, such as reckless driving, binge drinking, or unsafe sex. To do this, teens must start pulling away from their parents — especially the parent whom they're the closest to.